Pre-Wedding Tips for Grooms

Pre-Wedding Tips for Grooms:

Gentlemen, on your wedding day, you're expected to look better than your best. This means biting the bullet, gritting your teeth and manning up for a little prewedding "groom"-ing -- even if you're more macho than metro.

Grooms, I know what you're thinking, because I've thought it before myself: Real men don't do spas, much less manicures, facials, deodorant (er, save for special occasions). But all rules have exceptions, and whether you like it or not, a big exception to just about every rule out there is your wedding. So I took one for the team to give you this painful-but-true primer on what you need to do before your wedding day. You owe me.

Professional Shave

I'm gonna ease you into this whole grooming thing with one of the only acceptable (and, might I add, enjoyable) "treatments" for a man to get on a regular basis: a straight-edge shave from an old-school barber. Classic, manly, effective -- this is what Don Draper would do on all mornings he gets married. Bonus: It's good for the nerves. By comparison, saying "I do" in front of 250 people is far less scary than letting a complete stranger put a blade to your throat.

"Man"-icure

I know, I know. Next I'll tell you to go to a salon. But here's the deal: On your wedding day, people will focus more on your hands (and nails) than they will during any other moment of your life -- combined. Even if you're okay with skunky nails, your bride (despite what she says) is not. The pedi is optional.

Spray Tan

I get it -- you don't want to look pasty in photos. But you don't want to look like Ryan Seacrest either, right? So do something wacky like, I don't know, go outside. If you're gonna fake it, go the spray-tan route. Just don't pull a Ross Geller. If you don't think you can handle the machine on your own, let a professional do it. If you're doing the fake bake, don't forget to cover your man parts. A burned butt is not only painful, it's a dead giveaway to your gym buddies that you're that guy who goes tanning before your wedding.

Facial Hair Trim

Don't make the classic rookie blunder and overlook the obvious. Translation: Pluck the unibrow. And remember, nothing has the ability to distract your guests, ruin a wedding video and spoil every photograph more than these two little words: nose hair.

Facial

Look, I'm not gonna lie -- this one's pushing the envelope. It's a slippery slope: Today, facials; tomorrow, a Jimmy Choo "murse." The way I see it, this one's only for three types of men, really -- and all three are totally valid: 1) men so confident in their masculinity they can do anything without questioning their manhood; 2) men who have bad skin and don't want it on their wedding day; 3) Ryan Seacrest (and the men who want to be him).

Massage

You've put up with the rest of this stuff and with all of the wedding planning talk (and tantrums) -- so you've earned this. Enjoy.

Teeth Whitening

There's nothing manly about having teeth the color of urine. Whiten them for the photos.

Upgrade Haircut

Warning: Do not experiment with a new cut on the day of your wedding. Your fiancée already likes the hair that you have (or pretends to like the hair that you don't have). The last thing you want is to be showing off a goofy new style for the ceremony. Instead, spring for an upscale trim (read: not your go-to barbershop bowl cut that your friends give you crap for) a month before the wedding so you have time to regrow an "accident." Once it's tested and approved, repeat a week before your wedding.

Back/Shoulder Waxing

Honeymoon on the beach? She loves you, but she doesn't love that your back looks likeChewbacca. Now's the time to deal with it. Yes, waxing is painful (been there, done that), but suck it up. Or consider electrolysis to banish the Wookiee once and for all.

Personal Trainer

Even if you're not feeling the rest of this stuff, there's one thing you could (and should) do to look your best for the wedding: Get your body into shape. Listen, I'm not about to tell you to join her for any bridal boot camp crap. But hire a trainer. The honeymoon may be your last big get-in-shape motivation -- don't waste it.